Happy Five Months Jelly!

Yay almost half way thru our first year jelly! you have grow up so fast and your almost crawling! Today you where a strong 17 pounds and 25 inches long! you grew five inches in a month! I truly believe god heard my prayers concerning your length and stepped up to the plate this last month. I will be posting new pictures tomorrow i just dont have any on my camera right now. pretty soon you will see J up on all fours with his chest up off the ground to bad i dont have any videos because to see him rock back and forth is one of my favorite pastimes right now!

Thats weird

So we went to the air show this weekend and saw Dr Mai. Its a little weird to see a person that you have pooped on outside of the hospital. I was telling justin that he would feel a little weird about it to if he had his hands up justin as far as he did me!
The air show was weird i was the only one wearing my baby everyone else where in strollers but i know my little J he would have no been happy in his carrier he can look around at everything and he really likes that. In other news we finally put his convetable car seat in the car due to me not being able to lift the infant carrier with m bulging discs, and buckling him into the tiny seat was a pain when you cant get right in front of it. I really think that he enjoys to be able to look around more almost as much as he likes to sit in the shopping cart! Yes my little J sits up by himself and holds himself up for a while he still has not figured out all the way to use his hands while sitting up so its funny to watch him. He has also started to crawl! i mean its a step here a step their but my little J is doing it and im so proud but sad at the same time i almost miss my little blob of flesh jelly.

I have regretted posting this

This is the one thing that i never wanted to post until after J was one. I have had to officially quit breast feeding. After all of the struggles we have been thru not latching having to exclusively pump a dairy/soy allergy, the process of getting him back on the breast, and now thw worst of it. I have two bulging discs in my back and im in some pretty bad pain so im on some pretty heavy duty pain killers and a very strong muscle relaxer that you cannot breast feed on. Im so done with the pumping and him not being able to drink it, and who knows when all this will solve itself. So im done i throw in the towel i give up i quit.

 

Lets just say this is already killing our budget already. Oh well till tomorrow have a wonderful day!

I happen to love those rolls!

I love the rolls of fat on my sons legs! i know its a weird thing to admit but i do really love them! they are so cute and most of them where put their by my milk and that makes me feel proud! today we will be having miss Madison over from 2-10 because her mommy got to go to hawii lucky duck. it is odd that Madisons birthday is J's conception date so if she was my child i would have gotten pregnant the same day i gave birth and let me tell you the only thing i wanted near me was a can of dermoplast spray. But she is a little cutie. We just had her birthday party last sunday and i was privliged to make her smash cake, but madison is a bit of a girly girl and really was not that into smashing the cake she did do a head dive and started eating it without her hands but she stayed pretty clean by my child standereds. It kind of gives me something to look forward to that in the next nine months J is gonna grow to be a active little boy.

a year ago

Well this is a little late was supposed to make this post on the third but im getting to it now.
A year ago i sat trembling, pretty much not talking at a birthday dinner Justins parents where holding for me. Worried and nervous about what was to come. I spent the whole knight in secret eye conversations with justin begging him to please just get it over with.
Why was the reason i spent the night in such anxiety? well that night was the night we where gonna tell justins parents that little j was a sea monkey in my uterhouse. Char unwrapped a ding dong stuck a candle it and sang happy birthday to me i unwrapped my present and smiled but i still didnt talk.We went outside to sit and talk. And then finaly justin did it and uttered the words To his mom and dad we are pregnant. Then his dad mouthed back almost right away joking with justin on himbeing pregnant not me, and Char cried. Those tears hit my heart more than anything had so far. She was so happy.I had thought they where tears of sadness but no she wrote how happy she was for us and how excited she was for us and whqat a blessing it all was .The night ended better than i thought lots of tears on char's and my side lots of smart aleck comments from Cliff.
Looking back now, i think of that night with fondness and im sure i will some day i will tell J how we told his nanna and grandpa that he was on his way.

This is Cliff and Char

quick thought i just had

I keep reading that it's rare for a woman not to be able to breastfeed, but I wonder how true that is? Back in the day, babies died all the time, or were considered sickly and wouldn't live long. I wonder how many of those babies had moms with inadequate milk supply?
 

Donate to our wedding here

So i finally got the budget from my parents for our wedding and it look like nothing is going to happen we will not be having out wedding, and im a little hurt with it. 

Lets start with my parents think that we are keeping J from them, and the complain endlessly about being able to watch j by themselves without me around. Lets start with the fact that Justin and i have only been on date nights twice since J was born the first time was carefully planned out and J went to stay with justins mom and dad. everything went fine i cried for the first hour because i missed j but it was ok, i completely trust justins parents now. fast forward. the fair finally came back to town and the first night we went to the tractor pull because we got last minute ticked we stayed for an hour it was loud gave me a headache and i was not feeling so hot. J stayed with justins parents for an hour. Two days later we went to the demolition derby. Now a demo derby is way to loud for a baby. We again asked Justins parents to watch J because his mother fully enjoys J and i trust her all the way. My parents find out and throw a fit that we didnt ask them to watch J but turns out they are going to the derby to so its not like they could have watched J anyways!

Fast forward one more time to yesterday. I go to my parents office i do not have J he is at justins moms because i had a doctors appointment  and i didnt want him to get all the germs. ( once again it was not feasible for them to watch j they where at work! ) I found out i have a bulging disk im in a lot of pain i could hardly walk the day before. Where i ask again if i could have the wedding budget you need a budget before you can do anything, and my dad wont give it to me tell me he is mad at me for keeping his grandson from him. Complaining on how they have not been bale to watch him by themselves without me. Hello its not a requirement for them to watch him by themselves! Its not some kind of right that they have because they have a title, unless you have the title mom or dad of the child in question you really have no right to anything! Well it was my birthday and they ruined it. Got mad at me for wanting to hold it at Justins church ( which honestly i feel way more comfortable at then my parents ) I couldn't take it any more i went and picked up J and cried for about i good hour and Justins moms. Now to today. I got a message from my mom telling me that my budget was three hundred dollars. Thats it, nothing more. The dress that i wanted was two hundred dollars which really was super cheep for the type of dress i wanted. Im crushed my heart is hurting because i guess every girl looks forward to the day that she gets married. I was already doing everything as cheep as i could a morning wedding to save on the meal, handmade favors, handmade center pieces, making my own bouquets and flowers for the wedding only do flowers for the wedding party not decorating with them. Their is no way i can do a wedding for $300. Most people spend more than that on their shoes or invitations. I guess Justin and i will not be getting married till we can afford to do it with our own money, and the little bit of help that Justins parents are able to do ( rehearsal dinner, tuxes, the cost for the favors, and his mom is helping me do everything by hand) $300 was the budget Justins mom was given by her very frugal father 28 years ago for her wedding and she said it was a stretch.

  Ifeel like my father refusal to help with the wedding fully like he said he would is a direct way for him to make me suffer for not letting them watch j. Anyone out their host a wedding for $300 that was anywhere close to what you really wanted? I feel like i sound selfish, but in my heart i feel like im not being. So i get to my end point anyone want to donate to our wedding? Just kidding!