Road to Recovery

Life always throws you curve balls even when its hit you a couple of time before. This is Miscarriage number 4 in the last year of not exactly trying, but not preventing. We have wanted to add another child to our family for some time despite the risks that would have come with another pregnancy. Its hard to deal with the loss of what you feel like it's a real child over and over again. Their is only so much the soul can take. I also feel like with my loss suddenly many people I know are expecting again, this I could handle when I just wanted a child. I could think " that will be me soon. " Now I feel a deeper more profound sense of loss when someone announces a pregnancy. I feel like part of a club, the pregnancy loss club. I cried with Jenn in Marley and Me when she went in for the ultra sound and their was no heart beat, because I have been their now I have really emotions and feelings when it comes to that situation. Well just wanted to do a quick update, so i will talk to you soon.

You are my Joy

My son is my world, and with adding another child to the mix i worry about my family's dynamics. So far Jelly has known only one way of life Jason, daddy, and mommy. I'm nervous about preparing my son to accept his new little brother or sister. I'm also nervous about adding another child. 18 solid years of commitment is a lot to face. Maybe its anxiety about how much life is going to change but for the last two days I have been a bundle of nerves. Oh how I wish Jelly was old enough to understand that mommy is going to love him just as much as she did before.

Tick or Treating with grandma holding Jelly

As I mentioned in my last post we had some problems getting pregnant, we also suffered a couple of losses over the past year and a half, with the most recent one being a few months ago. I have really tried to put the size of my family in gods hands. Coming to terms with if its not meant to be then its not meant to be. Having a months of "trying" then months of not trying. I was recently diagnosed with some heart problems which led to my GP to say that it was probably unsafe for me to have another baby. About a month after that I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test and called to have a blood test, and to also do a BETA test to make sure everything was alright. The first BETA was ok, the numbers where not great but I had only just gotten a faint positive. The second set was worse and about a week later i started to loose the baby. Last month I went to my GP who told me that right now I would probably loose baby after baby because my body was a hostile place for a baby. Lets hope that this little bean sticks, because I have proved my GP wrong already. When I was 15 I was diagnoised with Polycycsitc Ovarian Syndrome ( or PCOS for short ) and was told I would never get pregnant on my own, boy did I prove him wrong.

And this mess proves it :)

So for the rambling! Im just trying to keep true to my word about posting!

New News

Justin and I have wanted a second baby for some time now. We have held off because of some recent health issues I have had. But four days ago when i realized i was on cycle day 91 and hadn't had a period since August we figured it was time to test. Now today at cycle day 95 may i present to you the first image of Hosea baby #2 

We are over the moon to be expecting, and this time i will document a lot better than i did the first time. So please pray for us, and out little bean. No words on estimated due date yet since my cycles are so far off we have not a clue where i am. First appointment is on the 20th this month and hopefully they will pull out the ultrasound machine. Im hoping for twins, Justin is hoping this baby comes with a trust fund. 

Please for the family members that read this blog do not post or say anything yet we are waiting till December to officially announce!

We have five teeth

Yes J has Five teeth with a sixth on the way and life has lets just say been stressed! Dealing with j's crying screaming fits trying to keep up with things like teething tablets and Tylenol along with all of his regular medications is a PITA! I have never mention what meds J is on so i will tell you he is on a nebulized treatment of pulmacort 2 a day once in the morning once and night flonase 2 a day morning and night kenalog ointment after baths, steroids once a weeks a nebulized aboutorol treatment in the middle of the day and again if he is sounding rattly.

 Their is so much to keep up with and sometimes i feel a little overwhelmed with all of it! Im not the best person when it comes to staying on a schedules or doing things on a consistent basis, but i am getting better. Justin is really helping me learn to be a better person when it comes down to it. Ahhh I love my family!

sometimes people are crazy!

I know a group of mom's online that i talk to daily that all gave birth around the time that i did. Well one of these mom's is crazy, like when a candy makers makes a new product but its gross everyone wonders why the hell did they even put it on the market crazy. She lies about little things and its hard for me to restrain myself from pointing them out and telling her off.
I also have a mommy friend i live by who has a son who is three days older the J and the other day i ran into her at walmart and she was all excited we where talking about how both of the babies where going to be one soon and then she mentioned how she was going to turn her son forward facing. It took every ounce of my being not to go off on a rant on how extended rear facing is so much better and safer for him. I kept my mouth shut, but i have been subtly posting things on my Facebook wall about extend rear face all day, and it shall continue!
This is my kind of crazy i have been talking on the phone with my agency about the IP's and i feel like I have begun to get to know them! It will be weird in the dilvery room when two of the people their wont speak English and one will be their to translate. That's a lot of people seeing my lady parts i have to be sure i am expertly groomed! Dr Mai always told me it takes a lot to be a woman!
J has really been getting bold with his walking taking more and more steps alone not running walking slow deliberate steps to keep himself upright. He gets so happy with himself sometimes he does this little funny squeel thing. We have also started to do infant potty training with him setting him on the potty before bed and when he gets up for nap and thru the day. So far Nada not even a drop in the pot but her sure does love to take the inner piece out and put it back he gets loads of hugs and kisses and claps when he does it!

J's first snow angel

unwrapping thomas

rub a dub dub Jelly in a tub

J and mommy

Bowls make perfectly good hats

My fav toy!

Here is a little photo Bomb to end the post :)

so its been a while a lonnngg while

trying on a pettiskirt i was making

going to the post office

since i updated and im sorry about that things got out of control jason got sick and it was jsut a bad couple of months for us! But i would love to give some updates :) J is now 10 months old 20 pounds 28 inches long, he is allergic to wheat, oranges, strawberries, peas, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, turkey, and a few others that i cant call to mind right now. He takes two naps a day one a 11am and one at 4:30pm and he almost sleeps through the night i say almost because he tends to get up maybe once every other other day during the night. We are officially baby food free J will not take purees anymore at all and eats big people food 100% of the time. He crawls stands up on his own and walks!









In our family news Justin and I have decided to put my womb out for rent! Yes i am going to be a gestation surrogate for a loving family! We are in the binging of the process but we might already have our family picked out the even more interesting thing is they live in China! Im so excited to start this proccess and you better believe everything that i can post about i will post about! Have a wonderful day!