You are my Joy

My son is my world, and with adding another child to the mix i worry about my family's dynamics. So far Jelly has known only one way of life Jason, daddy, and mommy. I'm nervous about preparing my son to accept his new little brother or sister. I'm also nervous about adding another child. 18 solid years of commitment is a lot to face. Maybe its anxiety about how much life is going to change but for the last two days I have been a bundle of nerves. Oh how I wish Jelly was old enough to understand that mommy is going to love him just as much as she did before.

Tick or Treating with grandma holding Jelly

As I mentioned in my last post we had some problems getting pregnant, we also suffered a couple of losses over the past year and a half, with the most recent one being a few months ago. I have really tried to put the size of my family in gods hands. Coming to terms with if its not meant to be then its not meant to be. Having a months of "trying" then months of not trying. I was recently diagnosed with some heart problems which led to my GP to say that it was probably unsafe for me to have another baby. About a month after that I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test and called to have a blood test, and to also do a BETA test to make sure everything was alright. The first BETA was ok, the numbers where not great but I had only just gotten a faint positive. The second set was worse and about a week later i started to loose the baby. Last month I went to my GP who told me that right now I would probably loose baby after baby because my body was a hostile place for a baby. Lets hope that this little bean sticks, because I have proved my GP wrong already. When I was 15 I was diagnoised with Polycycsitc Ovarian Syndrome ( or PCOS for short ) and was told I would never get pregnant on my own, boy did I prove him wrong.

And this mess proves it :)

So for the rambling! Im just trying to keep true to my word about posting!