Road to Recovery

Life always throws you curve balls even when its hit you a couple of time before. This is Miscarriage number 4 in the last year of not exactly trying, but not preventing. We have wanted to add another child to our family for some time despite the risks that would have come with another pregnancy. Its hard to deal with the loss of what you feel like it's a real child over and over again. Their is only so much the soul can take. I also feel like with my loss suddenly many people I know are expecting again, this I could handle when I just wanted a child. I could think " that will be me soon. " Now I feel a deeper more profound sense of loss when someone announces a pregnancy. I feel like part of a club, the pregnancy loss club. I cried with Jenn in Marley and Me when she went in for the ultra sound and their was no heart beat, because I have been their now I have really emotions and feelings when it comes to that situation. Well just wanted to do a quick update, so i will talk to you soon.

You are my Joy

My son is my world, and with adding another child to the mix i worry about my family's dynamics. So far Jelly has known only one way of life Jason, daddy, and mommy. I'm nervous about preparing my son to accept his new little brother or sister. I'm also nervous about adding another child. 18 solid years of commitment is a lot to face. Maybe its anxiety about how much life is going to change but for the last two days I have been a bundle of nerves. Oh how I wish Jelly was old enough to understand that mommy is going to love him just as much as she did before.

Tick or Treating with grandma holding Jelly

As I mentioned in my last post we had some problems getting pregnant, we also suffered a couple of losses over the past year and a half, with the most recent one being a few months ago. I have really tried to put the size of my family in gods hands. Coming to terms with if its not meant to be then its not meant to be. Having a months of "trying" then months of not trying. I was recently diagnosed with some heart problems which led to my GP to say that it was probably unsafe for me to have another baby. About a month after that I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test and called to have a blood test, and to also do a BETA test to make sure everything was alright. The first BETA was ok, the numbers where not great but I had only just gotten a faint positive. The second set was worse and about a week later i started to loose the baby. Last month I went to my GP who told me that right now I would probably loose baby after baby because my body was a hostile place for a baby. Lets hope that this little bean sticks, because I have proved my GP wrong already. When I was 15 I was diagnoised with Polycycsitc Ovarian Syndrome ( or PCOS for short ) and was told I would never get pregnant on my own, boy did I prove him wrong.

And this mess proves it :)

So for the rambling! Im just trying to keep true to my word about posting!

New News

Justin and I have wanted a second baby for some time now. We have held off because of some recent health issues I have had. But four days ago when i realized i was on cycle day 91 and hadn't had a period since August we figured it was time to test. Now today at cycle day 95 may i present to you the first image of Hosea baby #2 

We are over the moon to be expecting, and this time i will document a lot better than i did the first time. So please pray for us, and out little bean. No words on estimated due date yet since my cycles are so far off we have not a clue where i am. First appointment is on the 20th this month and hopefully they will pull out the ultrasound machine. Im hoping for twins, Justin is hoping this baby comes with a trust fund. 

Please for the family members that read this blog do not post or say anything yet we are waiting till December to officially announce!