The up and downs of motherhood

Lets start with the downs since i would rather leave you with a sweet taste in your mouth rather than the bitter. Over the last year and a few months of trying justin and i have ended up pregnant three sperate times loosing all three babies at early stages except my most recent loss which was at 12 weeks. It effects my parenting ability when im sad about these sorts of things and i do think that jelly does notice when im "less" of a mom. Going thru three losses over the course of about six months really took it out of our relationship as a couple and almost made me resent the people around me getting pregnant and being able to stay pregnant. It is hard to not want to ask why god cannot provide in this situation. People would always tell us that god does not give you more than you can handle but reoccurent MC seemed more than i could really handle. For several weeks afterwords i cried for days, wanting nothing more than to wish myself pregnant. According to justin i was not the friendliest of people to be around! But i came to terms with things and i decided to get a job. A simple [art time kinda deal just to get my mind of of things for a few months a change of pace. I enjoyed my job im glad that i was apart of the team for as long as i was. Now here comes a bit of sad and happy news. I recently found out that i was pregnant again just about four weeks after starting my job. We where overjoyed and i made and OB appointment to get started on the medications to hopefully keep this little bean stick. Our first ultrasound revealed two yolk sacks TWINS happy and healthy five weeks along right where we should be. Sadly two weeks later at another OB appointment i was informed that one baby was still only five weeks and the other twin was vanishing. My OB sadly informed me that i was probably going to MC the second remaining baby shortly. I was devastated to learn that we where having yet another MC. I went in for Blood work and labs and did several blood BETA tests, which are tests that measure your HCG levels 48 hours apart. Fast forward to today i was given a call from my OB telling me that my BETA tests showed that i have a very healthy pregnancy going on, and instead of another MC we should know next Monday where we shall get yet another ultra sound and hopefully see an almost 10 week baby. Fingers are crossed!