the wasp nest in my window

so their is a wasps nest in my window in the computer room and it at first was fascinating till today when it went to scary when i looked in and saw not the one lonely wasp that started the nest but five of those suckers in their! i don't know where they all came from but needless to say five is to many and we will be getting rid of the nest tonight. it was kinda cool to watch it grow it has been their since i was pregnant with J and i watched it grow from some weird looking crap into a full fledged nest, if you ever get the chance to watch it safely i might add do it pretty cool to see it come out from nothing.
In baby J news we are going to the doctor again at 3pm today because J has been having a cough that scares the crap outta me and is hardly eating his bottle. This is the same boy that loudly demands his feedings and always gulps down what i give him and then loudly asks for more. I think im coming close to the end of my pumping journo. i have been pumping for about maybe the last two weeks and j has not been eating a drop of it because he has been on formula. But im tired of pumping just to stash it in the freezer. I hve well over a 1000oz stored up but if i can have the will power to just bite the bullet and eliminate all the dairy out of my diet its not going to make a difference. I have on the other hand been having an obber healthy diet as of the late. i guess it just makes me feel better thru the day if i eat a good three meals and day and healthy ones at that. So i might look into donating it. The last time i went about looking for some place to donate at i almost did until i read the finer print saying that the company made a profit with the donated milk. who wouldn't want their materials provided for free? so i sent them a rather mad email saying how when the encouraged mothers to donate to them they are indeed threatening the health of other premature babies who could have used the free milk. J turned Three months old today 1/4 of the way thru his first year of life and while i miss the moments when he was just a useless blob of human flesh i am glad that he can now interact with me and we have fun playing all sorts of games.
My sanity is going to be tested in September as i will be flying with Justin my parents and J over to Utah to visit my mothers side of the family. I have NEVER flown on a plane ever and i have always considered them pressurized cigar tubes flying buy who knows how a mile above the earth without enough parachutes on board for everyone. but im gonna suck it up and do it because im sure not driving 10+ hours with five people in the car one of them an infant that just sounds like a recipe for melt downs and yelling arguments that yes you need to pull over so i can feed him, its not like when you grew up!. But im still looking forward to it i have 3 second cousins that i have never met two who are about a month older than j and they are both cuter than anything you have ever seen! One belongs to my cousin Krista who i didnt see much of on our trips to Utah when i was younger but her daughter Mabel has the most hair i have ever seen on a baby and is such a cute monkey. the other is Jaden who belongs to my cousin Amy who was the cousin i was always excited to go see whenever we went. Jaden is such the little handsome man and seems to have a great personality. The third is Ronan Im not sure if i spelled that right but this little guy belongs to my cousin Jayson and is7-8 months old already and he has such and expressive face his picture makes me laugh!
I know this post is all over the place so im gonna throw you another twister and end with a picture of cupcakes that i made. white cake with strawberry frosting and a sprinkling of dark chocolate in the center they where yummy! and im glad i decided to whip the egg whites sepertly then in a different bowl made the rest of the recipe then folded the egg white in. it made such a difference, they where light and fluffy and had such a nice texture in the mouth.

Blah is all i can say

This has not been the greatest of weeks for justin, j, and i. J has been sick since Monday running a fever off and on, and so have i. I have a splitting headache that has gone on for most of the week that im poping pills like they are mints. Im pretty sure J and i are passing it back and forth between us and its getting a little old. Next Wednesday i go in to get my IUD put it. Its not that i dont want more children its just i dont want more children right now. I had a miserable pregnancy one that involved the doctor every week for the last three months and twice a week the last month. Strong medications and staying in bed all day. I guess i should have written more thru that part of it right?
Since J turned 8 weeks old yesterday i thought i would talk about some things he is doing now that he was not doing when he was born. He now lifts his head and looks around during tummy time and kicks his legs back and forth almost in a crawling motion. ( boy am i gonna have my hands full early on ) He coos in a wide range of sounds and gets more vocal the more you talk back to him. He can track an object that he likes to look at for about a minute but then i guess he forgets what he was doing and looks at something else. He smiles when you do something he likes, like opening your mouth and eyes wide, Giving kisses, and being butt naked. And during tummy time he has figured out how to roll from his belly to his back. My little man is getting to be so big and im dreading his next well baby visit due to his two month shots. i know their are some people who do not like shots but they where invented for a reason, to make it so they dont suffer from things they dont have to. I got the chicken pox when i was 16 i had not been vaccinated for it when i was a child and let me tell you i was miserable. i had a fever and i was broke out everywhere, that ment my eye lids, ears, mouth, nose. i could not swallow and i had to drool into a cup ( attractive right ) Some of the mothers that think that not vaccinating their kids is ok, haven't seen what polio can do to a child because of vaccines that they where given when they where born. Their is no link between vaccines and autism, my vaccinated child is protecting their no vaccinated child. But what happens when a child cannot get vaccinated and a child who did not get vaccinated gets a deceases and gives it back to the other child, bad stuff. Oh well im done with my ranting today time to go back and cuddle some more with my sick little man.

And it goes on and on and on

 j ad to go to the doctor on Monday or Tuesday i cant remember what day it was i have been so sleep deprived these last couple of days because of j's 2 month growth spurt ( wanting to be held eat alll the time ) I was told that he was dehydrated and instructed to give him about an ounce of water after every feeding, well i haven't really done that because my fear of water toxicity in babies, so i have been limiting it to about an ounce a day ( a little bit after each feeding ) and drowning myself in water as per the pedi recommendations. so on the plus side my milk production has gone up and on the down side i have night sweats and day sweats and i pee all the time. TMI i know right! J seems to be happier despite the spurt and i think all is going well.
In the last week he has learned the joys of being naked ( for my sons dignity no picture today as i dont think he would appreciate his parts being shown to the world ) Whenever i take off his diaper get him naked for a bath or just in general to take his temp or im trying to keep him alert for his before bed time feeding. He gets the biggest grin on his face starts cooing and in general turns into the happiest baby alive. He has started this deeper coo which im pretty sure is a precursor to a laugh which im sure when it happens will melt my heart and make me fall more in love with my little pee machine.
In other news i have gotten j to latch on twice this last week which is a vast improvement from none. ( yes i am exclusively pumping but the goal here is to get him back on the breast for my sanity's sake moooo ) Yes his latches killed me and the first few moment i wanted to cry but after he settled down it was a nice relaxing experience for us and he stared into my eyes the whole time and poped off about 20min later in a milk coma and went to sleep for about three hours. Of course good luck never lasts and the next time he was hungry he would not even try to latch and i was forced to give my baby that bottle, i always feel some guilt with it. like that bottle is a trophy of my unabilty to regularly nurse my child. I wish that i had someone close to me who knew how i felt. My best friend quit breast feeding because she wanted her boobs back, and i think my MIL thinks im pumping to go the easy way out, and shoves the fact that i should be nursing him down my throat every time i talk about J's feeding habits. I do have a group on BabyCenter.com that is all about exclusive pumping but its not the same as a real live person to hold your hand when you cry because your life revolves around a pumping schedule.

Running a fever

J is running a fever in addition to being supoer fussy not sleeping well and not pooping for 3 days this is cause for concern, so their fore i have called the doctor and we will be headed that way at four. 

Today'stopic is religion. Justin and i have been looking for the right church to join as both of us come from different religious backgrounds its kind of sort of a compromise. My parents are Mormon ( that's why he had a blessing ) and while i grew up Mormon i really don't believe in all the church taught. Im not sure what religion Justins parents are but he made it clear that he didn't really want to go to that church, because he did not want to irritate my parents. Thats the thing with inlaws is you are gonna make someone mad, and if your gonna do it might as well be the people you don't have to live with. But back onto topic we do believe in attending some type of church regularly. So the next few weeks we will be attending several different churches to see which one fits us.