the wasp nest in my window

so their is a wasps nest in my window in the computer room and it at first was fascinating till today when it went to scary when i looked in and saw not the one lonely wasp that started the nest but five of those suckers in their! i don't know where they all came from but needless to say five is to many and we will be getting rid of the nest tonight. it was kinda cool to watch it grow it has been their since i was pregnant with J and i watched it grow from some weird looking crap into a full fledged nest, if you ever get the chance to watch it safely i might add do it pretty cool to see it come out from nothing.
In baby J news we are going to the doctor again at 3pm today because J has been having a cough that scares the crap outta me and is hardly eating his bottle. This is the same boy that loudly demands his feedings and always gulps down what i give him and then loudly asks for more. I think im coming close to the end of my pumping journo. i have been pumping for about maybe the last two weeks and j has not been eating a drop of it because he has been on formula. But im tired of pumping just to stash it in the freezer. I hve well over a 1000oz stored up but if i can have the will power to just bite the bullet and eliminate all the dairy out of my diet its not going to make a difference. I have on the other hand been having an obber healthy diet as of the late. i guess it just makes me feel better thru the day if i eat a good three meals and day and healthy ones at that. So i might look into donating it. The last time i went about looking for some place to donate at i almost did until i read the finer print saying that the company made a profit with the donated milk. who wouldn't want their materials provided for free? so i sent them a rather mad email saying how when the encouraged mothers to donate to them they are indeed threatening the health of other premature babies who could have used the free milk. J turned Three months old today 1/4 of the way thru his first year of life and while i miss the moments when he was just a useless blob of human flesh i am glad that he can now interact with me and we have fun playing all sorts of games.
My sanity is going to be tested in September as i will be flying with Justin my parents and J over to Utah to visit my mothers side of the family. I have NEVER flown on a plane ever and i have always considered them pressurized cigar tubes flying buy who knows how a mile above the earth without enough parachutes on board for everyone. but im gonna suck it up and do it because im sure not driving 10+ hours with five people in the car one of them an infant that just sounds like a recipe for melt downs and yelling arguments that yes you need to pull over so i can feed him, its not like when you grew up!. But im still looking forward to it i have 3 second cousins that i have never met two who are about a month older than j and they are both cuter than anything you have ever seen! One belongs to my cousin Krista who i didnt see much of on our trips to Utah when i was younger but her daughter Mabel has the most hair i have ever seen on a baby and is such a cute monkey. the other is Jaden who belongs to my cousin Amy who was the cousin i was always excited to go see whenever we went. Jaden is such the little handsome man and seems to have a great personality. The third is Ronan Im not sure if i spelled that right but this little guy belongs to my cousin Jayson and is7-8 months old already and he has such and expressive face his picture makes me laugh!
I know this post is all over the place so im gonna throw you another twister and end with a picture of cupcakes that i made. white cake with strawberry frosting and a sprinkling of dark chocolate in the center they where yummy! and im glad i decided to whip the egg whites sepertly then in a different bowl made the rest of the recipe then folded the egg white in. it made such a difference, they where light and fluffy and had such a nice texture in the mouth.

The good life

I feel so blessed i have my wonderful son and a man that loves me even when i get into a little tizzy and i think the world is out to get me. This next holiday is gonna be J's fourth holiday and i feel like his firsts are slipping by so fast pretty soon its gonna be this time next year and he will be so grown up.
In other new Justin and i looked at a house this week and let me tell you its a real fixer upper but im excited about the prospect it brings being able to make a home what we want it to be from the ground up is thrilling, if not a bit crazy. We will be making it livable one room at a time while living in it and i little bit nervous maybe a DYI project from hell.
In other news J's conception date is coming up soon, its a little weird thinking about it tats its a almost been a whole year since he has existed in some form congrads my little jelly bean!
Also coming up is Justins and i anniversary and im looking forward to it oddly i think i love him more every day even when i get mad at him for little things, and i think he puts up with me well enough!

I love the looks J gives me sometimes melts my heart and makes me laugh all at the same time!
On the pumping side i have to report that i am almost a proud owner of bronze boobies and i have not had to supplement with formula once yet so ten weeks and counting hoping for a year feeling blessed for every day until then

It has been a hot one

The last week is has consistnaly been in the 90s every day and well into the night cooling to about 60 degrees then heating back up again the moment the sun is up. i live in a desert their has been no rain no humidity and me and J are roasting. We stay in the living room with the swamp cooler and a whole bunch of fans but i gotta keep J cool somehow because heat is a big factor in SIDS.
Their really has not been much going on this past week i havent made any picture worthy food and i havent gone anywhere. the only thing i have to report is i made a new friend, and this is exciting. As someone who spends a good 90% of her day with just a baby adult human interaction is few and far between so i got excited when my new next door person was sitting on my couch and talking  to me. So now i have a new friend go me! Other than that nothing to report except i got a new hospital grade pump and my supply has gone up just a little bit and im glad.

And it goes on and on and on

 j ad to go to the doctor on Monday or Tuesday i cant remember what day it was i have been so sleep deprived these last couple of days because of j's 2 month growth spurt ( wanting to be held eat alll the time ) I was told that he was dehydrated and instructed to give him about an ounce of water after every feeding, well i haven't really done that because my fear of water toxicity in babies, so i have been limiting it to about an ounce a day ( a little bit after each feeding ) and drowning myself in water as per the pedi recommendations. so on the plus side my milk production has gone up and on the down side i have night sweats and day sweats and i pee all the time. TMI i know right! J seems to be happier despite the spurt and i think all is going well.
In the last week he has learned the joys of being naked ( for my sons dignity no picture today as i dont think he would appreciate his parts being shown to the world ) Whenever i take off his diaper get him naked for a bath or just in general to take his temp or im trying to keep him alert for his before bed time feeding. He gets the biggest grin on his face starts cooing and in general turns into the happiest baby alive. He has started this deeper coo which im pretty sure is a precursor to a laugh which im sure when it happens will melt my heart and make me fall more in love with my little pee machine.
In other news i have gotten j to latch on twice this last week which is a vast improvement from none. ( yes i am exclusively pumping but the goal here is to get him back on the breast for my sanity's sake moooo ) Yes his latches killed me and the first few moment i wanted to cry but after he settled down it was a nice relaxing experience for us and he stared into my eyes the whole time and poped off about 20min later in a milk coma and went to sleep for about three hours. Of course good luck never lasts and the next time he was hungry he would not even try to latch and i was forced to give my baby that bottle, i always feel some guilt with it. like that bottle is a trophy of my unabilty to regularly nurse my child. I wish that i had someone close to me who knew how i felt. My best friend quit breast feeding because she wanted her boobs back, and i think my MIL thinks im pumping to go the easy way out, and shoves the fact that i should be nursing him down my throat every time i talk about J's feeding habits. I do have a group on BabyCenter.com that is all about exclusive pumping but its not the same as a real live person to hold your hand when you cry because your life revolves around a pumping schedule.

"Thats gross!"

Since Justin and i are still on the younger end of ages to be having kids, we still have friends who are single who lets just say live in disaster zones. For the sake of his identity we will call him j's uncles cod-cod. Today i spent the better half of my day cleaning a kitchen that you could have gotten the virul plage from.

courtesy of Google images

It was nasty and i almost wish that i was the owner of a bio hazerd suit. Yes when you where younger you did have that friend who just lived in a pig sty untill he strated dating someone who ment something to him and he cleaned his act up. Lets also say i dont know how the kitchen got so gross because this guy does not cook anything that is not frozen so i dont really understand how it got as bad as it did. The only reason why i did it was because if uncle cod-cod had caught a virul flesh eating disease from his kitchen and died then Justin would have been really upset to say the least.

Onto other news J has begun to be more active and alert smiling back when he finds something enjoyable ( also known as a social smile ) and cooing like their is no tomorrow practical talking with me when i talk to him. he has begun to notice things that are further away from him and focusing on them. He has learned that he is the most handsome baby in the world and loves to look at himself in the mirror. J has started to sleep thru the night finally. He has his last bottle of pumped milk at about nine or tenish, then pretty much promptly falls asleep till about five or six in the morning when he gets to hungry and cant sleep any more wakes up eats four ounces and promptly goes back to sleep till about ten wakes up wants another bottle then its tummy time, reading time talking time and then back to sleep till about twelve or one, then up again for food back asleep till about four then up till he goes to bed at night. Yes i know its not the most perfect schedule but it works for us and im so happy to finally be getting a full nights sleep ( which i think in turn makes me a better mom because im not to tired to do all the things that im doing to stimulate his growing mind. No pictures today as i seem to have misplaced my camera

The little joys

So today after giving J his bottle of pumped milk i got rewarded with this

he grinned so hard he had to close his eyes and it made my heart melt. Onto to other news. i have finaly made a chore list for myself so i get things done around the house, while i would love to spend every moment with my son, i cant neglect the dishes growing fuzz in my sink ( just kidding ) I hope that maybe having a list looming on my fridge door every time ih ave to open it to put milk in it or grab some water i will be reminded to get my butt in gear. Because Justin works full time i kind of feel obligated to keep the house clean laundry done and dinner made. It would really not be fair of me to ask him to do these things after a long hard day of work so the most i try and ask is for him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper and to watch J while i cook dinner. Some days i wish for a break from it because it seems the moment i get something done their is another thing to do, its not like a job where once your off your off. If J wakes up in the middle of the night its all me ( but im happy to report he has been sleeping for one long eight hour stretch at night for almost the last week!  ) I wonder if any other stay at home moms feel like i do?

Lets talk about formula

While i am an exclusive pumper i cant pass up a super good deal when i can get one. Well im going to show you one.

Everything you see here was bought for a grand total of under 15 dollers. 3 cans of gerber good start sensitive powdered formula, 1 can of concentrate enfamil infant, 1 can of concentrated enfamil lipil, 2 small cans of enfamil premium infant powdered formula, two large cans of sensitive enfamil ready to feed formula, and one similac ready to feed advanced formula. I got all of these by using coupons that the manufactures sent me. I know that you should breast feed for a full year but i know that their are gonna be days that i need to supplement because when your pumping you dont produce as much as nursing. And who knows since i have over a 100oz's in my freezer as of right now i may not need to and i can sell it in one big lot on ebay and make some money on it. Or if their is a disaster and i get to stressed out and my milk drys up we have about 2 months of formula as it stands, or god forbid something happens to me Justin does not have to think about formula for a while. As of right now J is sucking down his bottle of pumped milk and enjoying it down to the last drop, and i know im preparing my family for anything that can happen.

First baby well check

Why do they call it this kinda makes me feel like i am under some kind of nazi dictatior saying how my child should be, or more like the doctor is trying to make sure im not killing my child with uncovered electrical outlets and things of the like. Im secretly terrified of this doctors visit because im always afraid they are gonna tell me something is wrong with my child and no mother wants to hear that. J seems to be thriving and by thriving i mean putting on four pounds in a month crying his little head off whenever one of his needs are not instantly met and sleeping like a champ. well sleeping during the day time when i prefer to get things done.
in other news my new breast pump should be here today and if its not im gonna be just a little ticked. i went with free super saver shipping with my Amazon.com order and they keep telling me its gonna get here on the first but just checked its tracking number and it said it left Pueblo today and thats about an hour away from us so what do you think?

BIg boys get to use the whole tub

Today J got his first bath without the little duck liner that we have been using to keep him mostly out of the water. BIg mistake most of the time i was terrified he was gonna turn his head and drown without me knowing it as i ranted on about soap and little toes being best friends. Well it was mostlly a mistake on my part from being terrified about it but J seemed to love it. he was constantly kicking he feet and wiggling around emmiting a plethra a cute baby noises and smiling at me intill it was time to wash his hair. J hates to get his hair washed well that and his face so we save this for the end of bath time so he can finsh being upset wrapped in his duckie agenst mommy chest. hey it works for us and it stops the hollierin most of the time. at first J didnt seem to like the bath and hollered when he was put in but now it seems i have a well rounded baby when it comes to it.
Justin is gonna be at work till around nine tonight and this is a first for me. he left at seven so it means when he Finlay does get here tonight he is gonna wanna eat and sleep, well that's poop i say. i didnt really even get my morning nap. when Justin gets up at five thirty he showers has his cup of coffee and takes shadow out then if J cries he is on baby duty till he leaves, which some of the time grants me about three hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep.i live for mornings because of this. but today as i said before i didnt get my nap so i have been a bit crochity today. that and my pump seems intent on killing me today which i havent been all to happy with.
J turned Five weeks old today and i think its a huge milestone a month ago i could not imagine myself at this point and im so proud to say that all three of us are thriving my house is not an utter disaster and justin and i still have a strong relationship. We have our first well baby appt tomorrow and im excited to see the growth and progress we have made over the last five weeks 

i leave you with a picture i took of j yesterday during bath time pardon the horrible quality i need a new camera

Carpet cleaners and the like

So Justin's aunt got hardwood floors and decided to give us her nice carpet cleaner yay! im defiantly not opposed to people just giving us stuff in fact a lot of the things in the house where given to us which is fine by me it means we can save our money for things that i really want like one of those one cup blenders. J is currently in his boppy bouncer in the front room while i am in the computer room trying to get a moments peace catch up on emails and look threw interesting things online, yes i know i could be cleaning the carpets with the new carpet cleaner but i think this is way more fun.Yesterday was a hard day J spent most of it eather actively alert or screaming his head off because he wanted to eat, now the guide lines for pumped breast milk is no more than four ounces at a time well because that's just the way it is so its hard when you just get done feeding your child to hear him cry for more. i was almost half tempted to give him some of the formula the hospital sent us home with but i think i would have felt super guilty if i had done that. my supply really didn't keep up with him and i ended up having to un-freeze two bags in my freezer stash of stored breast milk. It was a chalenging day and i for one am so happy that its over.
 Even the happiest baby on the block did nothing to calm J down and that was shocking to me, but next up on the reading list is baby wise yes i know i should have read all these before i was done being pregnant so i could be prepared but hey when you are put on morphine for headaches the last thing on your mind is reading.
Well im off to feed my slave driver another bottle to see if that will keep him content for a little while longer whill i attempt to clean the carpets.

iron factory

its offical i hate the post partum period, literaly. i have not stopped bleeding sice giving birth on april twenty first. i hate this. so far its been the grossest thing that i have had to go thru birth wise. while i think j was well worth it i feel like i have hit the end of my rope. on lighter note when i weighed jason this week it said he was twelve pounds if your not counting like i am i will point it  out thats a four pound gain in four weeks. the guid line for weight gain is a pound a month. i must have some great milk because my little man is thriving. so far the exclusivly pumping is going great and im blessed to have a supportive family when you choose to pump after not being able to breast feed you really are making a full on commitment. its cleaning parts cleaning bottles spending half an hour pumping every three hours waking up even when your baby doesnt. its getting wet spots on every shirt you wear because of the flanges having milk on them. its hard and every day i have to continue to want the best for my son, because let me tell you its way easer to mix up a bottle of formula.